this is a story, that i thought dint fit in well with my prized ten. found it in the drafts folder of my mail. thought of sharing it. so here goes...
It was early august…
She looked into his eyes. It exuded affection and kindness. Behind a looking glass of tears. He held her close to him. And looked into her eyes. Searching for what it seemed to be saying. He told her it couldn’t last. That it was a dream. That it was all so unreal. Though she believed that this was the first time something like this was happening. Love. That idea that brought them to this state. Inseparable.skin against skin. breath against breath. Which meant that the reason why their worlds moved was because they were with each other.
“this cant happen” he told her.
She just turned away eyes brimming with tears.
“why’re you saying this?” she asked him. Choking with tears.
“I told you.. I don’t believe in it. Every one is meant to be alone. Every person is supposed to move through life with his own craft. Whatever the craft is..” he said.
She buried her face in her hands. He kept his hand over her. She sniffed and kept her face hidden.
He spoke to her about the need for relationships. He said that the reason why couples were there was because of mutual insecurity. Because of the fact that the community expected them to be with each other. That their forefathers had always propounded the theory that once a relationship started, it was meant to stay in that manner for the rest of his or her life.
Arun disagreed. Inside him was a spirit that could be likened to an electron. Vibrating vigorously to be in the state of rest. And prone to bursts of energy which could direct him either way..
How would that reassure Dipti? She looked straight at the tree in the garden they were sitting in. Delicate eyes under a wisp of eyebrows. Gentle eyelashes painted on a soft expanse of charmelle skin. lips as pink as a baby’s hair drawn behind ears lying on her shoulder. An expression of faith. Of innocence. Of honesty.
“so you don’t want this? You don’t want us to be together?” she asked.
“no” he said. Fighting tears.
“is us being together a burden to you?” she asked.
“I guess it is.” He said.
the sky was gray. Which slowly turned blue. As a yellow sun emerged from beneath the clouds. In the city of Grover, the sun wasn’t invited. It put away the gentle cool breeze that freshened the township.
“so I guess I’ll leave.” He said.
She looked down. A lump in her throat. He looked at her. hands around her knees, squatting. He leant across to her and kissed her gently at her lips. Those delicate structures that connected them emotionally and physically. She didn’t respond.
“good bye” he said. And walked away. And outside the garden.
The garden suddenly looked very quiet. Except for a soft sobbing. In the distance a vehicle screeched. A motorist shouted at someone. Smoke bellowed from a lorry carrying goods of a greater capacity than required. An oven burnt its share of butter cookies.
And Dipti wiped her tears.
She couldn’t believe what was happening. But if she had to be a mature woman by now, she’d have to accept what occurred. She should’ve expected that such a thing would occur. That a man, would leave her alone at some point of time. When she gave herself to it. Whole heartedly. When she vowed within herself that she’d commit to the relationship heart, mind and soul. That she’d no more cry herself to sleep alone at night. That she’d be incomplete and unhappy. That the fact that she cared for him, love him and be with him every instantof the journey called life wouldn’t be of much significance to him. That love was just a phase for him. It wasn’t life. Her belief’s were put to the test now. All that she stood for and had faith in. God. And love. And family. She smiled, as she had a fading glimpse of she and Arun with children. Babies. Oh how she loved to bear them. And watch them grow up. And guide them. And love them.
But it was all gone now. Dreams lost to the dark.
She sobbed a little more.
A cat walked past her. oblivious to the sad scenery. But walking silently nevertheless.. soft steps. One behind the other.
Dipti suddenly realized she shouldn’t be alone in the park for too long. She picked herself up and started walking.
* * * * *
Arun got off the bus as it neared his house. He walked towards the house. A whiff of triumph. That he’d made it through a relationship. That he hadn’t be held down by constraints of a feeble mind. That he’d tackled the ending with élan. That he’d steered a relationship to its rightful end. That he’d start life anew. In the manner in which it always had to.
He walked past a friendly uncle’s house. And a house with two playful boys. His eyes looking at some distance mute spectacle. Not noticing those people staring at him. A friendly “hi” absent in his manner. Which persisted during his good times and bad.
However in his manner of seeming confidence, a little black dot imprinted itself in his heart. It began to burrow gradually. And spread. And while it did so, it began to hurt him. Like the hose of a vacuum cleaner tugging on a clean blanket. (but ‘clean’ is relative isn’t it?) like a bright harsh white lamp in the middle of the calm blackness of the night. Like an unhealthy depression on the ground in a narrow street.
And hit hurt him. It bore into him like a dagger stabbing him from within. It seemed to be like a black hole that began to suck all life into it.
He didn’t want to face this, did he? He didn’t want to face his fears that he kept buried underneath his cloak of normalcy. He didn’t want to accept that he was a cold lonely man who lived in a two roomed shack in the corner of a dead end street. He didn’t want to accept the fact that he buried himself into work in order to escape his dreadful listless life. Memories he willed to stay away from his mind, found its way like a thundering train in a tunnel. The moment they held hands. The moment they kissed. Lip to lip. Each lost in the other’s embrace.
He shut his eyes. Trying not to think of anything. Couldn’t say he succeeded.
He opened it to look at a dog sleeping across a street. He sat on telephone box on the sidewalk. He turned his eyes to the staircase that led to his little house on the second floor. Rented. He noticed brown shades on the walls of his house. And there was the same old aroma of food that’d summon him to landlady’s house for lunch.
Same old.
For heavens sake it was her heart he was offering her! she loved him! What did that mean? That he’d have to be alone no more! That he needn’t have to carry the burden of holding his back through every stupid situation. That he wouldn’t have to hold back and carry himself like he was in control of himself. He wouldn’t have to fake happiness!
His head was awhirl with thoughts now. Of memories that struck him like lightning. He was rushing things. He was running away in his mind for so long. He got up from the seat and rushed to a bus gathering speed as it left the bus stop. He hopped onto it… barely missing a step. Offices, colleges and restaurants buzzed past his eyes. The conductor tapped on his shoulder and he ruffled his pockets to find a rumpled five rupee note.
But that would do!
He got off the bus after a few stops, and ran towards the park; as fast as his legs took him.
Passers-by looked at him strangely. Who’d run in formal clothes at 12 o’ clock on a Monday morning?
He arrived at the park. A woman stood facing away from him. Trying to hail auto rickshaws that were full. The street suddenly became quiet.
Footsteps sounded gently on the cemented pavement, scattered with leaves.
“Dipti”, he said, almost whispering.
She turned around. A confused expression on her face. Eyes already welling with tears.
“I cant do it. I cant go on alone…” he said.
Her lips broke into a smile. His fingers reached out for her hand. And drew her close to him. And she pushed her lips to reach his. And they kissed passionately under a rain-tree.
It was just the beginning of August…
